5 Truths of Choosing the Best Maid of Honor


Every bride who has planned a wedding knows how much more enjoyable the planning process can be with the right maid (or man) of honor.  Unfortunately, some of us also know the flip side of that.  Choosing who will be your #1 on one of the most important (and best) days of your life is no light task.  That's why I've decided to narrow down and compile a list of 5 truths I think are key in choosing the best MOH.

1) Choose out of fit, not obligation.

I chose this as the first truth because although it seems obvious to most, many MANY people will choose their MOH based on an obligation such as: they are your family member, you were the MOH in their wedding, they mentioned how excited they are to be your MOH before you ever asked them (yes this has happened), etc. etc.  It is critical that you choose your MOH based on who will be the best fit, never EVER out of obligation.  You don't get a redo on any of this, and who you surround yourself with for the next 12-18 months while you plan your wedding can have great positive or negative consequences.  It's a lot (LOT) harder to ask your MOH to step down halfway through planning than it is to just pick the right person in the first place.

2) Sometimes the longest friend isn't always the best one.

We all have friendships that serve wonderful purposes at various stages of life, but that doesn't automatically make your childhood friend first in line for MOH.  If this person was once your best friend, but you guys haven't kept in touch much lately, especially during the span of your relationship with your fiancΓ©, then do not feel obligated to give them the title of MOH.  Your wedding is first and foremost about celebrating your relationship with your soon-to-be spouse, so if your MOH doesn't know you within the context of your relationship, there may be someone who is a better candidate.  

3) Making this decision can be hard, and there may be some casualties, so get comfortable with that and refer back to truth #1.


Some people may not be happy about who you choose to put in the number one spot.  Some people may be hurt or angry.  Some people may put a ton of pressure on you or try to get you to change your mind, but please refer back to truth number one and know that the only person who needs to be happy with this decision is you.  Everyone else gets to make their own decisions when it is time to plan their weddings, so when that time comes they can choose whoever they want and do things however they want, but not for your day.

4) Sometimes two are better than one.

Hey--you know me, I'm all about rewriting the rules so they work for you.  If you have two people in mind and can't imagine having one without the other, then go for it!  Lots of people say two is always better than one, and I'd even go out on a limb and say many MOHs would love to have a partner in crime to help plan showers or bachelorette parties or whatever your wedding celebrations will consist of.

5) Choose someone who will gladly come over and write out thank yous and stuff envelopes and make favors until they have rheumatoid arthritis, and still make it the most fun...you've ever seen.

I had both of my sisters as my MOHs.  Brooke helped me for WEEKS make over 200 party favors for all of my wedding guests, and then arrange them in alphabetical order.  It was enough work to make even the Dalai Lama a resentful person, but it is one of my fondest memories of planning my entire wedding.  My other sister was not off the hook.  Literally four days before my wedding I decided I wanted to make a floating illusion trellis out of flower petals, so Jade came over and hot glued individual flower petals to yards of fishing line for hours while we watched the Halloween movies (it was October, people.  No, I don't watch these movies year round...). There were projects-a-plenty, but it was an absolute blast, and I knew it would be, because I had these two as my MOHs.

These are by no means absolute truths--if you've ever done this before, you may have a few truths of your own to throw on there.  If you do, I'd love to hear them!  At the end of the day, if you are staying true to your vision and playing by your rules, then you are on the right track.  

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